Brain Fart or is it Verbal Diarrhea

Well. As I sit here thinking of some way to be witty on this hump day, I find myself with a massive brain fart. No, not the type of fart normally associated with an Uncle, Father or distant family member, but one that is more of a constipated variety. The idea is in there somewhere, only it requires that deep bowel push to get it out. Now the scary part is the fear of turning this brain fart into something worse, verbal diarrhea. You know the type of fart that starts out airy and trumpet sounding, only to become a rhythm section. The type of fart that is smooth until the unexpected release of unwanted wet chunks that propel the inner butt cheeks into a rapid clenching motion and the inevitable waddle to the nearest restroom facility.

Now imagine this in the form of the written word.

The smooth sounding sentences scroll across the page, each word working on enhancing the one previous. Each word creating a desire for the next only to be upset by the upside-down collection of rambling phrases and mismatched words that could only be an English teacher's worse nightmare. The once Shakespearian prose is met with an abrupt end by the appearance of sloppy, un-ending, grammar challenged, spelling confused, run-on sentences that take over the main structure of the paragraph and only send the reader into a tail spin of continuously sounding out words to grasp their intended meaning which then they find themselves to be overtaken by the rapid clenching motion of the butt cheeks while trying to shuffle to the nearest "word check" device or "wikipedia" styled reference tool.

Now those who are not fortunate enough to have the facility to "clean up" the collection of words presented before them are left with a smelly pile of ramblings that must be dealt with and embarrassingly apologized for. The modern form of this whole brain fart, verbal diarrhea dilemma can be best shown in the ever present and growing world of daily text messaging and blogging.

The dropping of words from whole conversations in order to facilitate a quicker response time and in some cases whole words being abbreviated will eventually create a society of people who's conversational skills will evolve back to a series of grunts, 3 and 4 letter combinations and the occasional happy smiley face.

Now mind you the "blog" (as defined by the ever popular Wikipedia, The term is a portmanteau, or, in other words, a blend of the words web and log ) is a unique way of transforming the ever growing brain fart into an endless stream of verbal diarrhea. Never have so many have so much to say about nothing. Never has the ability to reach out to a limited less audience been so easy. Can you imagine 60 million blogs all reaching out ideas and commentaries about everything from Apple addictions to Zebra zoning laws. Nothing is too far-fetched, nothing is out-of-bounds and nothing is simpler in exhibiting ones ability or lack of ability to communicate using the written word. I could continue but I don't think I have the time needed to properly address this immense topic.

So I guess while sitting here I have been able to manifest my brain fart into something tangible and coherent. I had a scare there for a moment that the butt cheeks would be needing a squeeze, but I was able to give it a last second internal check and saved off the waddle. Or did I.